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ATLANTA, GA—CNN President Jeff Zucker announced today that the company’s new strategies for preventing workplace sexual assaults appear to be working. “We’re proud to announce that there hasn’t been a single sex scandal at CNN this year,” he said. “After the 879 scandals we had last year, that’s some serious progress!”
The network got serious about preventing sexual assault after local authorities threatened to make them move their Atlanta headquarters last month. “The town said we had to either fire all the registered sex offenders that work here or find a new building at least 1,500 feet away from any elementary schools,” Zucker noted. “It’s a tight real estate market, so we chose the former.”
Zucker said CNN has implemented a number of corporate policies designed to reduce the likelihood of sexual assault in the workplace, including the following:
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CNN Boasts They Haven't Had An Employee Sex Scandal All Year,
January 03, 2022 at 06:46PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee
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